Dreams, go-getters, and me.
In college, I was a dreamer. I was about six weeks into my first semester of college in August 2008 when I resurrected the middle school dream to be a PhD in English. It was a full-blown resurrection, and from that moment, I had PhD stars in my eyes: even as I walked across the sacred grass at graduation 4 years later.
Surprisingly, this month marks my six month graduation from Georgetown College. Six months later, I’ve decided that I want to teach in the United States for at least a year before pursuing graduate studies. I’ve done something I thought I would never do: put off graduate school a little bit longer. It feels like even though I’ve made the right decision, I’ve derailed my own perfect life plan. The one I worked so hard to plan in college.
In addition to derailing my own plans, while here in Korea, I often feel that as a teacher, I’m just a dreamer. Not necessarily a go-getter. I had these big plans of making all the differences and changes in Korea, while sometimes, I find myself in self-imagined rut. I see all of my other friends posting updates like “My kids are using the English I taught them!” or “My kids are all winners at speaking competitions!” or “I’ve started an English Club where everybody speaks English and it’s great and lovely and everybody is perfect and by golly, it’s sunny outside.”
Most days I don’t even know if my students have learned a darned thing or if the only thing they remember is the YouTube video I showed them. Therefore, in Korea, I often feel like a dreamer, not a doer. I sometimes feel like that all I am in life is a planner. The planner that sits at her desk, makes lessons, and listens to George Strait videos on YouTube.
Do I dislike teaching? Absolutely not. I thank the Lord everyday that I am in Korea, as it has been one of the best decisions of my life. If Korea has given me anything, it’s the ability to look inside and know that I have the ability to step outside of the dreamscape and become a doer.