So, I’ll confess. I have a serious problem with perfectionism. Everything has to be perfect. My last semester of college, I was so pulled between having the 4.0 Senior Year and trying to relax that I often found myself staring at the dorm ceiling in awkward despair.
I can’t say that I’ve really grown out the problem since I walked across the graduation stage after a 4.0 senior year. Now, as a teacher, the problem still lingers. When I introduce a new lesson, I expect it to go swimmingly. I expect the students to be engaged and to pick up on everything the first time.
Beginner’s optimism? Possibly.
I went through the 2.5-year certification program in my college’s Department of Education. The State of Kentucky has issued me a license to teach. I received all A’s in my student teaching semester. I’m now teaching in Korea. Apparently, somebody somewhere thinks I’m capable of teaching.
However, sometimes I’m not so sure of my own abilities. When students are looking out the window or having side conversations, I get frustrated. Does that I mean I dislike my students? Absolutely not. It just means that I feel as if I’m not a good teacher. I’m not interesting enough. My lesson is the lamest. My own doubt is something I fight against each and everyday as a teacher, especially in a foreign country where I’m the language minority.
Regardless, I’m still a teacher at heart. I love school. I love the books. I love students. And because of this, I’m slowly letting go of perfect.
Geon bae from a different kind of south,